I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
