No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
