you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
