he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
