after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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