Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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