Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
