There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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