my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
