Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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