sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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