So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
