he shaved USA in his pubs
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
