guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
