just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
