I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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