xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
COCAINE IS GR8
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
