Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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