Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
