I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
