Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
