First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
