She went from zero to smokin in five shots
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize