Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
