So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
