So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
