After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
