i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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