In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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