he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
