well I can't set my house on fire every night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
