Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
