i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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