hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
