Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize