I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
