I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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