did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
