dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
