You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
