she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
