my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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