You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize