I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want her autograph on my taint
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize