yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
