I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
