The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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