she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
