I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
