She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
