you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
