There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
