I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
