you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
