he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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