Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
