I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Please, let me fuck your mom
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
