So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
