Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
