So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize