Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
