I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
