So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
