weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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