I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
