when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize