my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
