you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
