Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
