Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A+ Viking dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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