She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
