so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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