Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
