it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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