I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
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