I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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