They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
