Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He did a backflip because drugs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize