He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
