I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize