it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
