Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
