There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
